Kelly Osbourne isn't human

Kelly Osbourne is not human. There isn't really much to this entry except for my intense hate for Kelly Osbourne. Her annoying voice, defiled face, and her lardass style of life. During filming for "The Osbournes" on MTV which was a Reality Show of Ozzy Osbourne's family, she could often be seen with her hands wrapped around a twinkie. I do not know what I hate more, her Johnathon Ogden physique, her lack of sunshine, or her makeup. Makeup is supposed to make semi-decent looking girls into hot girls. The only thing makeup has done for Kelly Osbourne is get her family's reality TV show canceled.

I loathe this Beast-She more then anything. I would rather watch a Oakland Raiders football game then glance at this photo of her any longer as I type this. For that reason I am cutting this short and hopefully leaving every one of you with the thought of "Damn, that bitch is ugly".

There is no Superbowl this year, we apologize.

On February, 4, 2007 many people are going to be dissappointed. If you do not pay attention to the NFL, you will be without a party to go to this year. I know, it truly does suck. Now what is your excuse to indulge yourself in Chicken Wings, Cheesesticks, & Pizza Bites all while getting shitfaced at either your boss or friend's house. You better start thinking otherwise, you'll be sticking to your low-carb diet...fatty. The Chicago Bears were scheduled to play the Indianapolis Colts. Each the champion from their own conferance. Prince was the big halftime performance. He has declined to comment on the situation at hand. If you haven't been informed already. The Colts have conceded to the Chicago Bears in a 7-0 victory.


Colts General Manager, Bill Polian broke the news to the media earlier this evening on January 24th, 2007. "As a part of the Colts Organization I regret to inform the media that the Colts are conceding to the Bears in the superbowl. They wish not to risk injury for the 2007-2008 season, I am sure the Bears would have won in easy fashion anyway. We apologize to all Colts Fans, NFL Fans, and Prince. "

Peyton Manning has declined to comment on the situation at hand. He is the only Colts player that voted "Yes" when the team took a vote for who wanted to play the game. He is currently breaking down the film from the vote and when ready, will make a comment about the situation. Teammates have stated that he is very upset with the team for making the decision to concede to the Bears.

Rex Grossman has opposite feelings. The Quarterback for the Bears with alot of pressure on his shoulders coming into this game let out a huge sign of relief. With most analysts picking the Bears to win 77-0 over the Colts, he was still very nervous. He stated on the Bears Website (www.ChicagoBears.Com) "I am happy, most people were picking us to win by 70 points or so, 77 to be exact, but they also picked us to win against the Dolphins and we lost. Thanks to me. I am just glad that doesn't have a chance at happening aga...." before he could finish his statement. Kyle Orton slapped him with his penis and yelled "DIIIIICKKKK SLAPPPPPPEED"

A sobbing Grossman then accepted his award as Superbowl MVP.

Defenition Please?

There is talk on the streets. What street ? McKinnon Dr. That is where I live. I won't disclose any other information because mapquest helps people get killed over the internet.

What are these people talking about? And by these people, I mean me. I am talking about Real Talk. You are probably wondering "what the fuck is Real Talk?". Just 10 minutes ago, I was in the same shoes as you. Like an infant, except for the fact that I don't shit myself and drool , I was completely oblivious and unknowing towards "Real Talk".. Today, I hope to show you the ways of the world and help you become more educated.

Real Talk.













I went on a journey. A journey to discover myself and my identity. And by that, I mean I wanted to know what the fuck real talk meant. I have been hearing it from rappers like Young Jeezy & Lil Wayne, not from 1st-hand interaction because we aren't on a 1st name basis....yet. But I heard it through the radio, and on TVA . scared white boy in this cold world, I did the only thing I could do. I went to the internet.

With the help of UrbanDictionary.Com I setout to find the meaning of this word.

Word : Real Talk
Origin: Thug
Pronounced: Real Talk (Can you not read?)
Defenition: truth, factual information, also can be used to back up a sentence

Example:

White Guy: Whats goin on my african-american friend (places hand on black guy's shoulder) Black Guy: you dont know me sucka, if you put your hands on my shoulder one more time, I will beat yo'wonderbread ass..dat's real talk homie.

Now you can stop being that awkward white guy in a black conversation. You need to stop being "that awkward white guy in a black conversation" and start being more like this guy. Individuality? Horseshit!

Beer Commercials = False Advertising

I am sure if you have mastered the art of watching television, you will notice things that others do not. Being a good television watcher, you must be able to point out the smallest of details. Well, I am not as good as other TV Watchers, I can only point out the big details. In this piece right here. I am going to pickout a huge detail. If you haven't noticed this already, you need to putdown the remote and read a book. Or call your grandparents, when was the last time you talked them?


The Beer Commercial.

Have you ever noticed how in Beer Commercials, everybody is having a great fucking time? They are always smiling,never getting too drunk, and still able to function in social environments? This is not the drinking crowd I am familar with. They need to cut this bullshit out and start appealing to the real drinking populace. No more of this advertising. The governor of California isn't a credible person to advertise beer. Or Jerome Bettis for that matter.

Yes Arnold, you're a fake drunk. Don't think im not talking to you as well Jerome. Ya fat bitch.













Beer companies need to start showing the "real" drunks on TV. They are the people buying your product so why not put them in your commercial? For everytime I see a happy, smiling person drinking beer on TV, I think "You know what? That is a crock of shit". You never see the guy who passes out and gets permanent marker penises drawn on his face. Or the girl who passes out with her skirt over her head & tits hanging out window. Well, that one you won't see because I think it is against some sort of TV Decency regulations. Tara Reid is constantly getting in trouble for that. You never see the guy who gets thrown out of the bar @ 2am because he has "had too much". Or the guy who gets shitfaced at his christmas party & tells his boss's kid "santa isn't real and your daddy fucks the secretary when your mom thinks he is in a meeting"

With this said, stop showing these lies. What you put on TV are straight lies. This situation is comparable to an anorexic girl advertising cake. Show the fat fuck Denny's Waitress who is scarfing down that yellow cake.

Put this guy in your commercial, Budweiser. He is the true face of alcoholism.

Don't you hate THAT guy?

Everybody knows "that guy". This guy does certain things that make you want to punch him directly in the spine. He goes out of his way to do these things and these things piss you off don't they? The question you should be asking yourself right now is, am I that guy?

-Don't you hate that guy, who at a stoplight, when the light turns green, accelerates off the line and looks back at you as if it were a race and he knows he won.
-Don't you hate that guy, at the gas station that pulls into the pump that you were clearly going to use?
-Don't you hate that guy, that laughs when you're in a argument with somebody and he overhears?
-Don't you hate that guy, that if you don't like the same things as him, he holds it against you.
-Don't you hate that guy, that laughs when people get hurt?
-Don't you hate that guy, that makes jokes at the most inappropriate times?
-Don't you hate that guy, that gets angry at animals, but doesn't realize they have absolutely no clue what is going on?


Sorry to inform you, but you hate me.

This one doesn't apply to me, but I seriously fucking hate this guy.

When you are at the grocery store, or best buy, the location isn't really all important. Alright, it is, but I can't think of a good example. You need to ask an employee for help. The employee seems to be helping "that guy" already. You are waiting patiently but this "guy" won't shut his trap. He is spitting out useless babble as if he was Paris Hilton. Sorry, but whatever you are speaking about, nobody gives a flying shit. I need to ask this person a question about where the damn ______ is and with you alive, that is kind of preventing me from achieving my goal of finding the _____.

If you have one to add onto this list, leave a comment. So the people reading this and myself, may be alerted to another possible candidate to hate on.

Parking Lot Homicide

Americans are known for 2 things.

1.) Gluttony
2.) Ridiculously Bad Driving
Honorable Mention:Fake Boobs

Walking out of Borders (www.Borders.com) this past Saturday afternoon. I almost got hit by a car in the parking lot. Walking to my own car, these people clearly see me walking, but still start to pull out with me less then 3-5 feet behind their car. Being the stubborn prick I am, continue to keep walking.

You're probably thinking what does the picture at the left have to do with me almost getting hit by a car? Well if you have not put one and two together yet, I am now facing homicide charges. Well, almost faced homicide charges. This guy kept going, he winds up missing me by a foot. This has me livid. Had he hit me, believe me, I would have been a machete-wielding murderer. I would have chopped this motherfucker in the chest, through his door, because I have that much strength that I can do that. I would probably do some form of a wrestling move before slashing his sternum, in order to do this, I would have to remove him from the automobile. I am not strong enough to do a wrestling move to him while still in the car.

My wrestling move of choice would be the Razor's edge. I would implement my surroundings into the move. I would do this move pictured at the left, however they wouldn't be falling onto a padded ring. They would be falling directly into the pit of hell. By pit of hell, I mean my trunk.

To sum all of this up in a nutshell. Some idiots just need to be slashed with a machete in return for idiocy in parking lots. The ironic thing about this, is I have spoken the words "If you hit me, I will fucking kill you" in many parking lots before. Luckily nobody has hit me, if they did, make no mistake, I would fucking kill them.....twice.

Unlike the Titanic, this maiden voyage, shall be successful

Before I get into this whole "Writing" thing. Let me introduce myself. My name is keegan and I am awesome. I have been told by many that I have a special nack for writing and that I should try this shit out. They didn't actually use the word "shit". I put that in for special effect. With that being said, my interests include football & college basketball, good books (I hope they serve Beer in Hell by Tucker Max, The alphabet of manliness by Maddox, etc etc.), good movies & good music are at the top of my laminated list I keep on my wall, as well. If you enjoy my writing, I thank you and encourage you to keep reading. If you do not enjoy my writing, you can piss off and die in a fiery pit of hepatitis filled cyringes you ignorant fuck.

Well here it goes. This is my first entry. It feels kind of satisfactory, almost as if I have accomplished something. As I sip on my Diet Pepsi, the realization sets in that I haven't done jack shit. This is alright to me thou, because for you to be reading what I am typing, some form of accomplishment has came from the last couple dozen of keystrokes on my keyboard.

In my own eyes, I am my biggest fan. As my own #1 fan, I have many duties to myself. I have to tell myself im funny, charming, awesome, etc etc on a daily basis to keep my ego at a steady level. I do not see how Terrell Owens does it, it truly is hard work. After a couple minutes of being my biggest fan I want to withdraw my position as #1 fan to myself. I would rather just sitback and, fully appreciate how awesome I am. Others may revel in my greatness. While I drink on my lemonade and type this. Bitch.

This blog is titled "Fuckin'Awesome Writing" because in my own eyes. My final products can be described as "Fuckin'Awesome" . The rough drafts, they suck. Very much comparable to Tara Reid before she puts on her 5th layer of makeup. To me, anything that can be described as "Fuckin'Awesome" is definately kickass and worthy of reading. If you have anything kickass or worthy of reading please alert me through email. That is besides the topic. On this page you will find things from shit going on in my life, people I hate, sports, stuff that interests me, nice tits, my opinions (all of them are right), etc. Some of the stuff I put in here may be found offencive. Eat shit.

I am almost done with my last paragraph coming up in my first blog. I have mistakenly hit the bold key while navigating through the page. I don't see this as a problem, hopefully your bitch ass does not either. My finishing statements don't really serve much use. The only thing on my mind right now is passing out and itching my ballsack. If any hot females would like to assist me in my endeavors, well....you rock.